gretchen’s blog

Okay, I can’t remember my html, I’ve been bad about it. plus, since I got my myspace page, I’ve been lacking on this one. but I hope to start writing again soon, especially since my youth are now on my myspace and it makes it difficult to write stuff too personal

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to start… I’m okay.  everyone else in the car is okay.  my car is… okay i suppose.  Things could have been a lot worse.

Amos, Nicole and I went to Anchorage on Monday for a meeting for me and to see some of Amos’ friends.  We left Tuesday afternoon with his brother and a friend in tow and began the long journey home… much longer than it should have been.  On a good day you can get to Anchorage in 3 1/2 to 4 hours from Homer.  On Monday it took 5.  So, due to weather I was figuring 5 but hoping for less.  Things were going well, we stopped off at this really cool place a took some pictures and the guys smoked.  I soon was saying, let us go, we need to get back on the road, and away we went.  Before I knew it we had passed Girdwood, a small town with a gas station that everyone stops in to pee.  “Wow I thought we’ve already made it here.  good, maybe we’ll get to church in time for youth.”  2 more miles down the road and we come to a dangerous turn, though I didn;t know how dangerous at the time.  I feel that Amos is driving a little too fast.  (he’s driving because the conditions aren’t the greatest and this Texas girl isn’t quite used to them yet.)  I try not to freak out because I tell myself, he knows what he’s doing, it’ll be no big deal…. Suddenly we lose control of the vehicle and are heading into an on coming pick-up.  Amos is able to correct it enough to get out of the way, but because of the ice it’s actually an over-correction and we skid into the guardrail on the right side of the road with the front of the vehicle.  the car continues to slid around on the ice and we bounce on the guardrail on the other side of the road…. again with the front of the vehicle.  We slid backwards now about 100 feet from where we last hit up against the guardrail, but not touching it.  Luckily there was the snow the snow plow had pushed that helped cushion the vehicle from hitting the guardrail again.  Now Amos doesn’t like wearing his seatbelt…. But most of the time when he’s in my vehicle, he will, even if I have to get on to him.  I had only about 10 minutes before reminded him after our stop to put his belt on… thank GOD!  After assuring ourselves we were okay, I made poeple move so I could get out of the car.  The passenger side was about 3 inches from the guardrail, preventing me from getting out my own door.  Amos is just stunned, he can barely speak and doesn’t move so I crawl out the back seat.  I’m crying right now.  the shock of it all is wearing off and I just need to cry.  The damage doesn’t look too bad actually.  In fact… it’s all located on the front bumper.  WHAT?  we hit two guardrails at at least 30 miles per hour, though I’m positive it’s closer to 50 or more and the only damage is on the bumper.  I have fog lights in the bumper and both of them are knocked out and the bumper is torn in a few places but that’s it.  not even a scratch is noticeable on the paint anywhere.  The oncoming pickup truck we almost hit turns around to check on us.  He was for sure that the first guardrail we hit wasn’t going to hold and we’d end up in the freezing ocean many feet below.  Thank God it did hold.  We tried to start the car and limp it back to Girdwood.  The guys had looked and saw something leaking.  However, the car wouldn’t go and I wasn’t getting much power.  Andy even tried to push, in case we were just stuck and then the engine died.  so I called a tow truck, took a picture of the front of the car, and the guy gave us a ride back to Girdwood to wait it out.  It was snowing and pretty damn cold so we were grateful.

I call my  insurance company and begin getting that work started and a state trooper shows up at the gas station.  (it helps that they have an office located in the same parking lot)  He takes me out to the car and we start talking about the accident.  I’m spacing a little (come on wouldn’t you) and I realize, oh shoot, Amos should have come along because he was driving.  So I tell the officer, I wasn’t driver and apologize that I didn’t mention it before had.  I had enough information about Amos that The officer was okay with it.  (especially after I told him my dad was a cop too, he became a bit nicer.)  We go back to the gas station and I make more phone calls, including one to my father.  Amos asks if there’s a place we can sit down nearby and I think, I’m sure there is, ask someone who works here….. THey don’t, they just wait till I get off the phone.  So i ask and we take refuge in the Alpine Diner while waiting for the two truck.  The state trooper failed to mention to them that there were 5 of us and there was not room for all of us to go back to Anchorage.  So, we stayed the night at the Alyeska Prince Hotel, a 4 star hotel and ski resort… And my insurance will be covering that.  Nice huh, go state farm.

The next morning we are picked up by one of the mother’s of my youth.  She was in Anchorage Christmas shopping and drove the 30 miles to come get us and took us to the car rental place.  YEAH SALLY!  We rented an F-150 full cab with 4 wheel drive.  Afterwads, since it was SOOOOO close I stopped into the body shop to get a few things out of my car.  Luckily I did, I had paperwork to sign.  Then I stopped into my car dealership tp see my sale guy, who’s really nice.  I had called him right afterwards to find out about things.  Anyhow, I show him the picture and we get to talking.  Turns out the car has an emergency fuel shut off in case of a collision…. that’s why the car wouldn’t go.  And most likely, what was leaking was the window washer fluid, because the reservoir is right behind the bumper on the passenger side and we hit hard there.  That’s where the most damage to the bumper was.  So maybe there’s even less damage to the car than we thought.  I’ll have the rental for a week at less than $11 a day and my car will be able to be worked on this week and while I am out of town.  Praise God.

We then began the VERY long journey home.  my patience is at the end of the rope by now and Amos is getting on my nerves a little.  I know he feels bad so I try not to bring up the fact that he just wrecked my new car.   At one point everyone kinda complains about how long it’s taking.  okay, so i was driving a little slow.  Some poeple were driving just as slow, the weather was snowy and not great.  Turns, especially left ones are a little freaky to me right now so I was taking them slow.  It only took about 5 1/2 hours to get home, which isn’t horrible considering.  Anyhow, I am safe.  I’m a bit sore, so I think I might go get checked out.  My back hurts a bit.  Okay, so it hurt some before hand but it’s hurting more and it’s in the middle and the left side now and not just on the right side after my sledding accident.  Anyhow, that is life, God was watching out for us.  Things could have been so much worse.  hope you enjoyed my story.

Alaska is beautiful. Though the weather, not always so much. It’s been a cold rainy year in general. For the last few weeks it’s been in the low 50’s and the 40’s…. sounds a bit like average winter weather in Texas. I barely see the sun, not because the days are getting shorter, there’s still at least 10 hours of daylight. No, the sun is hidden behind the clouds. The sun was out on Wednesday… maybe it was Thursday. Anyhow, I got really excited. today the temp is actual almost 60 degrees… a heat wave!

I drove to Anchorage two weeks ago and met with other DCE and youth ministers. They get together once a month to plan events. We do a lot of joint activities, especially those churches in the anchorage area. It was good to meet with them and get to know them. hopefully i’ll be able to develop some friendships. I’ll have the opportunity tomorrow. Pastor and I are driving up to Anchorage for a church workers conference through friday. I know two of the DCE’s will be there, hopefully the few others from other cities, like Fairbanks will also be coming. The drive to Anchorage is gorgeous. For part of the time you are directly next to the ocean (Cook Inlet) and on the other side a mountain. I was strongly reminded of Chris Tomlin’s song, Indescribeable. “From the highest of highs to the depths of the sea, Creation’s revealing your majesty.” Course, the wind speed there tonight is going to be up around 80 to 100mph. caution is suggested through tomorrow if you must drive through there. They are even urging people not to drive… but we have to.

I’m feeling homesick farily often… go figure. Lia called me yesterday and I told her I now understand how she must feel in Vietnam. This year i know is easier for her, but last year must have been hard. It’s easy for both Lia and I to make friends, but the fact is, it’s hard being away from your family and your closest friends. So guys, I miss you. Anyone who wants to come visit is more than welcome and will have a place to stay and expenses paid while here. I can’t cover the airfare though, sorry. Love ya

I am in Alaska! and i feel cold. Actually right now, i’m doing better but mostly, i’ve been cold. Going from 90 degree feels like 100 degree weather to 60 wet weather is a big difference. Hopefully, i’ll be getting my stuff soon so i can pull out some more warm clothes. (I just didn’t have that many to begin with and didn’t need them in Texas for goodness sakes!) I will write more later, but i just don’t feel it right now. LOVE YOU GUYS!

Many of you have heard… i have big news…. No i am not getting married as some people thought… I am moving to Alaska.  I’ll be leaving late july early august.  There will be a party before i go and everyone i know personally is invited to come visit me.  i’ll miss you guys!

I am in love with a man 10 years my senior, divored with a 6 year old daughter…..  Doesn’t sound like a great combination.  yet, i love him, truely i do.  I told him last week and we had a nice long talk about it.

oh yeah, i’m probably moving to Alaska at the end of this summer.

So yeah, i’m going to visit alaska.  I have a possible job there and they want to fly me out there to visit.  how cool!

I’m falling for him….. and he knows it.  he can see it in my eyes.  I almost started crying and he told me, it’s alright, you can’t help what’s in your eyes.  He then quoted Matthew 6:22-23, “The eye is the lamp of the body.  if your eyes are good, your whole body is full of light.  but if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.  if then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness.” after a small pause he said, “I see no darkness in your eyes.”  now that really made me want to cry.  I just don’t know what to do.  I’m so lost and confused about so many things.  He’s non-commital right now, not because he’s afraid of commitment, but because he doesn’t want to commit to something he doesn’t have the time to really put into right now.  school will be over in a few weeks though, so maybe some things will change…. but maybe not.

God, please help me.  guide me where you want me to go.  shape me and mold me into the person you want me to be.  I don’t know about our relationship, but help me.  please reveal the path you have set before me.  show me where i am to go next, not just with him but in my life in general.

Why do i have to change in order for him to love me?  Why can he only want me if i fit this mold?  If i do loose weight, which i do really want to, how will i ever know and feel secure that if for some reason i gain the weight back, he will keep on loving me?  will i ever feel secure?  I just don’t know what to do now…. and sleep will not come easy tonight.  I was to cry, but that is not an option.  God, please help……